I Spit in Your Food

I hate customers that ask questions. I expect the usual question or two such as “what is in this?” That I can understand and answer. What I cannot tell you is what ocean the fish is from that I am serving. Yes, I can go into the back and look on the label for you, but I can already tell you that it WILL NOT say what ocean it grew up in.
Yes, I have been asked that question. A man wanted to know what sort of fish it was (cod) and what ocean it was caught in. Excuse me? Was I just asked what OCEAN the fish came from? After I make the customers wait while I check on your silly and pointless questions I do not want to listen to your reasons for why you wanted to know. Stop talking! I honestly don’t care about what television show you watched that showed mutant fish coming out of the Atlantic ocean. I don’t care about your fear of contracting cancer from eating four or five ounces of fish once every two or three weeks.
Here, let me educated you sir. All fish has trace amounts of mercury in it.  That is the reason why it is recommended that pregnant women limit their fish intake during their nine months. You, a middle aged man have no fear of poisoning.
I’m sorry, was my word not enough two weeks ago?
We had the exact same fish today. And crazy fish man asked the exact same question. “Do you know what ocean the fish comes from?” Not to me this time, he asked my boss. She, being the kind, obliging woman told him she would go and look, the exact same thing I did two weeks ago. Only this time, she tore off the label to show to him. Proof that she, and I two weeks ago, did not lie about our lack of knowledge.
Take a chance crazy fish man, live a little. Chance cancer! After all, our economy is doing poor. The Canadian dollar is stronger than the US dollar, and India is no longer accepting US Dollars at its tourist spots. What better way to support our economy than contracting cancer and pouring thousands of dollars into the medical field?
I know I won’t complain.
Next time you ask me, crazy fish man, I’m going to lie.
From now on, the fish comes from the Bearing sea. At least for you.
Enjoy your fish, crazy fish man!